The Xmas List
by MistressH
Summary: Ana is dragged to Aspen to spend a few days with the Grey siblings including her ex-boyfriend the week before Christmas. What could possibly happen?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all, this is a short Christmas story and only 5 chapters long so I'll be updating a chapter a day.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **THE XMAS LIST**

I'm a nervous wreck, my palms are sweating as the car I'm riding in winds its way through the quiet streets to the house where I'll be staying for the next week. SIP has shut down for the holidays and instead of relaxing at home or braving the stores in the Christmas shopping craziness I find myself in Aspen, the last place I imagined finding myself, dreading every second as we approach closer our destination and the one person I'm anxious about seeing.

It's only a little over a week until Christmas and I've been dragged along on this mini vacation. Kate and Elliot became engaged last month, he surprised her while they were out at dinner on their six month anniversary after asking for my help with the ring. One evening while Elliot was over at our apartment looking through some wedding stuff with Kate he got this idea about spending some time skiing and getting away before the holidays seeing as his brother owns a house in Aspen which rarely gets used and it would be a perfect time to go. I didn't think anything of it until I was told that I too am invited to join them. I declined, knowing it would be a bad idea, anything to do with Christian was not good, Kate had to practically beg me to come, on top of that she enlisted Mia's help to convince me to come along, I didn't feel comfortable tagging along but she assured me that Christian was fine with me coming and insisted even, not wanting me to stay on my own.

Now here I am minutes away from laying eyes on him again after so long. Six months in fact, it has been six months since I asked Christian to show me his worst, six months since the belting incident. Six months since I walked away from him. My heart seizes as I think of that fateful night.

I act like I've moved on to not worry Kate and my family but the truth is my heart is still his and probably always will be. As our car arrives and drives through the beige and red stone gates my stomach is in knots. I honestly feel like I'm going to be sick.

Ethan and Kate jump out grabbing their luggage from the trunk, I take my time opening the car door and stepping out into the cold air. It was just the three of us flying out together. The Grey siblings arrived a couple days ago to spend some time with just the three of them alone as both Mia and Elliot were complaining that they hardly saw Christian anymore. Knowing he's just behind those walls has my heart beating like crazy. _Don't be such a chicken Ana, what's the worse that can happen?_

I glance around me observing the scenery. The house itself is surrounded by trees. I can see the breathtaking mountains in the distance. Looking around and taking it all in the house is double fronted with high pitched roofs built out of dark wood mixed with the same stone as the gate. It's simply beautiful and a perfect place to getaway. I notice the fairy lights that have been hung on the awnings and imagine it must look even more magical in the evening when they're lit up.

Elliot opens the large wooden front door greeting us, swooping down for a large sloppy kiss from Kate as she makes her way to him and the front of the house. He stands back allowing us to enter. From what I can see standing just inside the front door is a welcoming home with a lit fireplace. The floor is covered in a dark brown hardwood giving more warmth to the atmosphere. There is a large sitting area with three off white leather couches and a stone fireplace, the kitchen is state of the art with a gleaming pale marble counter and black cupboards. What truly captures my attention though is the huge Christmas tree in the corner of the room, decorated with green, silver and red ornaments. It's stunning.

I hear voices coming around the corner or more importantly I hear his voice and my breath stops. _Okay Ana, you can do this, just smile and be friendly._

He stops a few feet away from me. I feel like I've been kicked in the guts. My eyes roam over his face and body. He's dressed casually in cream coloured pants and a dark brown sweater. He looks like he's lost weight, his eyes are dull, he looks a lot like me actually, miserable. He's still the most attractive man I have seen even tired looking as he is. I hope he's not ill, he really does not look like the same Christian I last saw. Then is hits me, he's probably not sleeping properly due to his nightmares. _It's not your problem anymore Ana._

Mia rushes over and hugs me, breaking our eye contact before moving onto Kate and Ethan.

"Hi." His voice is soft and uncertain. He's probably just as nervous. It's not every day you spend a week with your ex.

"Hi." I swallow the lump in my throat and grip the handle of my luggage tighter.

"Welcome."

"Thank you. It's a beautiful house." _Small talk is good_.

"I like it." He smiles. "Mia will show you to your bedroom for the week."

I nod as he turns away from me to say hello to Kate and Ethan.

I let out the breath I was holding as I climb the stairs following Mia who's telling me about what we're doing today but I kind of zone out. That wasn't quite as bad as I was imagining. The again this is Christian, he would never do or say anything with his brother and sister around. As far as his family is aware, we went on a few dates but discovered we didn't suit and wanted different things. _Understatement of the century._

XXXXX

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the girls hanging around the house, we attempted to make a gingerbread house but it was a disaster, collapsing five seconds after we put it together while the guys went out to ski for a couple of hours. I have never skied in my life and am likely to break an arm or a leg doing so. Here's hoping I can get out of attempting to ski these few days we're here. I really don't fancy a trip to the emergency room.

I don't see Mia all that often so she took it upon herself to ask me about a million questions about what I'm up to and if I'm seeing anyone, also casually dropping little hints that Christian is still single. I have no clue why, it's not like I'm getting back together with him and just because they believe he's single doesn't mean he is, there's probably a nice sub in his playroom waiting for him to return. The thought of him being with another woman is a stab to the heart but I have no right to be jealous.

The guys returned with food from a local Italian restaurant. As we sat around the table I tried to not stare at Christian who happened to sit opposite me of all places for too long, however I could feel his eyes on me during dinner, like before I could sense him without having to look his way, perhaps we should talk, clear the air just to get this awkwardness out of the way to make the next week less stressful.

We're all congregated in the living room before the fire place seated around the couches, the coffee table is filled with wine, drinks, snacks and candy canes. Christmas carols are playing softly in the background. The room has a festive atmosphere along with the smell of cinnamon surrounding us from the burning candles. It makes me miss Christmas with my parents as a child. Those days felt exactly like this.

"I know, let's all make a list of what would make this week or this Christmas perfect and fun then share them, maybe we can get some ideas for gifts or activities." Mia announces.

Her brothers groan and complain.

"Oh come on, it will be fun, don't be such scrooges."

She gets up and grabs a whole bunch of paper and pens from a drawer and hands them out to us.

I stare at my piece of paper. What would make this a perfect week?

I close my eyes but instantly an image of Christian from the day we went gliding in Georgia fills my mind. _Damn it!_ We were so happy and carefree that day. If I knew then what would happen when I returned to Seattle and Escala would I have begged him to stay longer. What would have happened had I not uttered the words 'show me' that night?

I start writing not thinking about what's coming out and on to the piece of paper. I look down and am surprised by the words before me.

 **\- seeing snow, having a snowball fight**

 **-a kiss to remember**

 **-to not be sad for a whole day**

 **\- to fall asleep next to you**

 **\- a big breakfast made by someone else**

 **\- a Christmas movie marathon**

 _That's some wishful thinking there Ana._

I shake my head at myself and begin doodling hearts and flowers on a second piece of paper, daydreaming as I wait for the others to finish their lists. The one time I risked a glance across the room towards Christian I saw he wasn't writing anything down just staring at the ground at his feet lost in thought.

Five minutes later it appears everyone is done with their lists.

"Elliot, you first, even though I'm afraid to ask." Mia says.

Elliot clears his throat before announcing loudly, "Sex, sex more sex and skiing and beer."

Kate throws a cushion at him, shakes her head and walks away into the kitchen.

"What I say?" He yells after her.

"Oh my God, you're such a moron. Ana what's yours?"

I feel all eyes turn to me.

I get tongue tied.

"Oh, umm…." Shit why did I think it would be a good idea to write these things down. I look at my list then back to Mia. Before I can come up with something other than my written words to say, we're all distracted by a large crash coming from the kitchen and Kate yelling out that she's fine, just dropped a glass of water.

This gives me the perfect opportunity to get away.

"I'll go help her." I say. I scrunch up my papers into balls as I stand up from the couch quickly shoving them in the pocket of my white knitted cardigan. Me being the clumsy person that I am, I knock my knee on the side of the coffee table trying to walk past.

"Ow!"

Christian quickly stands and reaches over and grabs my arms to stop me falling. The heat of his hands burn through the material of my clothes, my skin automatically reacting to his proximity. This is the closest we've physical been to each other since I arrived and it's unnerving.

I thought I saw something fall from the corner of my eye but when I look down I see nothing but Christian's feet.

I step back thanking him.

"No problem."

Once I've made it to the kitchen I pull the paper out of my pocket throwing it into the trash then help Kate clear up the broken glass and mop up the water then decide to head to bed early. I need time on my own to process the events of today and to calm my racing heart down.

"I'm kinda tired so I'm going to head up to bed. Must be the mountain air." I lie to my best friend.

"Are you okay? You know you can talk to me if you need to." Kate asks, concern shining in her eyes. "You've been more quiet than usual."

"Yes, I'm fine, just tired. I'll see you in the morning." I hug her then leave the kitchen.

I say my goodnights to everyone as Mia, Ethan and Elliot prepare to play a board game. They try to get me to join them however there is no talking me into it. As I turn around Christian walks into the room holding a glass of scotch. I can just imagine the taste of it on his lips and I'm certain he caught me staring at his mouth.

"Goodnight, Ana."

"Good night, Christian."

I climb the stairs once again with an aching heart to my bedroom. I shut the door, change into my flannel pyjamas and climb into my bed missing him more than ever after being in his presence again for a few hours. Why does he still affect me so? Please God let this week go by quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so pleased you've all enjoyed the first part of this story, I've loved reading all your reviews.**

 **Chapter 2**

I wake up the next morning surprisingly well rested, the pale sun behind the clouds is rising over the mountains and beaming in through my large window, I left the sheer white curtains open so I could enjoy the magnificent sunrise. The pale pink, purple and orange fighting through the dark clouds takes my breath away. It's a view I could get used to seeing often.

It's still fairly early so I decide to stay in bed a while longer, I grab my book off the bedside table and begin to read. It's a new thriller about a stalker who likes to watch women from afar but is too afraid to approach them until he's forced to save one of them.

All cocooned in the warmth of the large, comfortable bed, on the softest sheets I have ever slept on I could happily stay right here all day. However, ten minutes later I have only been able to get through two pages, the words unable to hold my attention for long so I move my eyes back to the view, wondering what the day will bring.

It really is beautiful here, giving you the sense of being away from the stresses of real life. The beauty of nature calming the soul.

My stomach rumbles making its hunger known. Checking the time on my phone I note it's not too early to get up and make my way down to eat something. As I prepare to climb out of bed I hear a loud crash coming from downstairs, it sounded like a pot being dropped on tiles.

Grabbing my purple fluffy robe that's laid across the end of the bed, I pull it on as I open the bedroom door to be met with Mia in the corridor peeking around the corner from her own bedroom door.

"What was that noise?" She asks.

"No idea, who would be up and in the kitchen already?" I shrug my shoulders.

We walk down the stairs together cautiously, unsure of what we're going to find. As we turn the corner we both stop and stare unable to believe our eyes.

Christian is standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking flustered, his face red and sweaty, his grey sweat pants and white t-shirt are oil splattered, he's surrounded by a huge mess, but also so much food, it appears as if he is trying to feed the entire neighbourhood.

"What have you done?" Mia begins to laugh.

He spins around on hearing her voice, looking wide eyed.

"Shit dude, are you going to poison us?" Elliot jokes as he and Kate come up behind us.

"What the hell is that smell?" Ethan comments following them.

"Where's Mrs Bentley?" Mia enquires looking around at the chaos her brother created.

Everyone is staring at him, each in their own way questioning who the person standing before us is. He has previously admitted he is horrible in the kitchen.

I can't believe my eyes; I can safely say I'm truly shocked. Never thought I would find Christian Grey in the kitchen, and when's he's on vacation no doubt.

There is a large pile of toast, some burnt, some not, a platter of fruit, oily eggs, hash browns and bacon along with really flat soggy pancakes.

The smell of burnt sausage is in the air. I roam my eyes around and find the black meat discarded in the sink. I cover my mouth with my hand to stop the giggle escaping. Poor Christian, I can imagine the number of 'fucks' that have come out of his mouth this morning as all this was happening and exactly what time did he get up anyhow. He must have been at this for hours.

"She had to take Mr Bentley to the doctors so I thought I would make breakfast for everyone this morning as a good host." He looks at me as he says that. _Okay then_. _Since when does he worry about being a good host?_

"Thank you, umm… but I think you should ask Gail to give you some lessons first next time." I quip. The others concurring with that assessment based on the shambles of the kitchen. He must have used every single pan, bowel and plate here.

"You're probably right." He agrees looking around defeated.

We take seats around the large marble breakfast bar with cups of tea and coffee, which we all made ourselves to be on the safe side, tentatively trying the feast Christian created. I start with the toast, I mean how bad can it be? I take my first bite and discover it's soggy, he over buttered it. I fake a smile at him as he watches me eat.

He takes a bite himself, spitting it out in a napkin two seconds later.

"This is shit."

"You said it, I didn't think it was possible for anyone to fuck up toast but you baby brother have probably created a world record here." Elliot throws his piece of bread towards Christian's head which he quickly dodges.

"It's the thought that counts." I say attempting to make him feel better, even if it is inedible.

After Christian's effort most of the food he made went in the trash, I felt bad for him so we helped him clean up the kitchen and went out for breakfast instead. He insisted it was his treat after the great breakfast disaster which Elliot dubbed it.

XXXXX

That afternoon I find myself sitting on the outdoor patio in the backyard for a quiet moment on the phone with Jose who had tried calling me earlier in the day.

"Hey, Ana."

"Hi, how's it going? Sorry I missed your call."

"It's cool and I'm good, busy with work, anyway I was calling to let you know that I managed to get reschedule a few things so will be heading down to Montesano for Christmas as well to spend it with dad and I've decided to ask Romy to join me and meet him. How's Aspen?"

"That's great, he'll he happy to see you and I'm sure he'll love her, she's really great, Jose. Aspen is cold but beautiful from the little I've seen of it so far."

I'm not lying when I tell Jose it's cold. It's so cold I can see the puff of smoke my breath makes as I exhale.

"Yeah, she's pretty awesome. Oh and I've been asked to photograph her cousin's wedding. It will be my fist event like that and it's kind of freaking me out."

After Jose's successful showing in Portland earlier in the year he has been in high demand and flat out with work. I'm glad he's living his dream of photography.

Hearing the door open behind me I turn around expecting Kate only to see Christian coming out to join me. He's carrying two mugs and has a navy blanket thrown over his shoulder. He himself is wearing a large black parka jacket.

My stupid heart decides to do a little dance at seeing him.

"I've gotta go but we'll catch up soon, I can't wait to see those wedding photos, I know they'll be amazing." I tell Jose before we both say bye and hang up.

"Hey." Christian greets me.

"Hi."

"Mia made enough for everyone."

He hands me one of the mugs, I look into it seeing a warm cup of hot chocolate then feel him place the blanket around my shoulders.

"I thought you could use it, it's a bit chilly out here."

"Thank you. I was just admiring the view."

"You're welcome." He takes a seat on the step beside me. Someone must have been by earlier to clear the snow off them.

We both take sips of our drinks in the silence that follows.

"Who were you talking to, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Oh, it was just Jose."

He can't help but frown at the mention of my friend. He always has a problem concerning my friendship with him.

"And how is our favourite photographer?" His voice comes out tighter than he wanted it to I suspect.

"He's fine but do you really care?" I tease.

"Not really." He grins.

At least he's honest.

"We haven't really spoken since you got here yesterday." He begins.

"No, we haven't. Thanks again for trying to make breakfast, never thought I would see the day Christian Grey cooked a meal."

He chuckles.

"Yeah, well there's a lot that's changed…" he fades off at the end. "Listen, I know things between us didn't end entirely great but I'm glad you joined us. I hope that I haven't made you feel uncomfortable."

"Not at all and thank you for the invitation. It was kind of you. I admit I was reluctant and nervous but I'm glad too. It really is a beautiful place."

We fall silent again.

"So, how are you? How's working at SIP been?"

"I've been fine. Work is great actually. My boss Jack Hyde left suddenly a few months ago. One day he was there and the next day gone with little to no explanation. They asked me to babysit his job for a few weeks until they found a replacement editor but I found I could handle it and they gave me the position permanently. It's so much better than I dreamed, I've loved the challenge. There is this one author, Bryce Fox, I've been working with him on his debut novel. I'm really excited about the book which is coming out very soon, it will be my first as an editor."

After leaving Christian I threw myself into work, getting lost in manuscript after manuscript to keep my mind off him and how much I was missing him, not that it helped much.

"That's fantastic. You should be proud and I never had any doubts of your abilities."

"How about you? Still trying to take over the world?"

"Busy, I spent a month in Taiwan, GEH bought a shipping yard over there. It was only meant to be a week however things didn't go as planned and negotiations took longer. It was stinking hot, I thought I was in hell."

I nod along, what is there to say really.

"So, Kate and Elliot are getting married." He continues.

"Crazy huh?"

"I never saw my brother as the settling down type but Kate seems to be good for him, she doesn't take any of his shit."

It's surprising hearing him say that. He and Kate could barely stand each other, I guess they have gotten to know each other a little better over time.

"They are pretty great together and I love them."

"My mother is over the moon. She has been wanting to plan a wedding for so long, next she will be begging for grandchildren."

"Probably. We should find some time to talk about these bachelor and bachelorette parties they want us to plan in the new year."

"Sounds like a plan. I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other up until the wedding then, can I at least call you my friend, I hate the thought of you hating me?"

Friend.

That word hurts.

"Sure, and I don't hate you, Christian." I say looking at the snow covered trees in the distance, concentrating on not allowing the tears to fall.

We stay there beside each other, not speaking for the next couple of minutes, each of us lost in our thoughts. I concentrate on the mug warming my hands trying to think of something to say to break this awkward silence we've fallen into.

"Was it all bad?" He whispers. I can feel his gaze on the side of my face.

The happy moments and memories I have of him flash through my mind.

"No, it wasn't, you know that." I finally get the nerve to face and smile at him even if inside I'm crying.

He carefully inspects my face, unsure what it is he's looking for.

"Ana…"

Whatever he was going to say next is left unsaid as we hear Elliot's voice call out.

"Yo bro!"

"You're being summoned."

We both stand preparing to go back inside. With my blanket and mug I walk into the house and kitchen to rinse and place it in the dishwasher only to stop and let out a belly laugh.

"Elliot where the fuck are your clothes?" Christian growls behind me at Elliot who is dancing around on the dining table to Jingle Bell Rock in nothing but a Santa hat and red boxer shorts.

"Someone has had one too many beers." Kate sighs "but I love the idiot."

"Come on, Chris show us your moves." Elliot turns and wiggles his ass in our faces.

"Get down before you kill yourself."

"Hey, Ana, get my little brother to loosen up will ya, all he does is work and pine over…"

"OKAY ELLIOT! Kate, just make sure he doesn't fall." I startle at Christian's loud voice.

With that he leaves us all behind. I watch his retreating back and can't help but feel that I'm missing something here.

"Come on, Ana, let's dance." Kate grabs my hand and we spend the next hour being silly and dancing around to Christmas carols until Elliot announces he's going to be sick and rushes to the bathroom.

Well that was certainly an interesting afternoon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Following a fun and late night of further dancing around with Kate and Mia after dinner, making fools of ourselves, I managed to sleep in this morning. Getting up I check the time on my phone to see it's already eleven o'clock. That's the latest in have slept in weeks. After using the bathroom I brush my teeth, pull my hair into a ponytail then get dressed in tights, boots and a long sweater, grabbing my phone off the charger on my way out.

Coming down the stairs into the living area, I'm surprised to find it empty considering it's mid-morning. It's very quiet, too quiet, I can't hear anyone else around so assume they must all still be in bed too, which is odd.

I enter the kitchen to make myself a light breakfast. I sit on one of the stools with my jam toast and tea all on my own enjoying the peace. I check my phone in case I've missed any calls or messages but there's nothing. The large window over the sink looks out into the backyard, the wind outside is moving the snow covered trees around. I become lost watching the scene before I realise I've been sitting here for over twenty minutes, I'm done with my breakfast and still haven't seen or heard a peep from else in the house.

As I'm rinsing my plate and cup under the warm water I hear the front door open. Turning my head I see Christian stroll in from outside. He shuts the door behind him, takes off his large puffy black coat, hanging it up by the door. He's dressed in boots, dark jeans and a black sweater, he has flecks of snow in his hair and red cheeks. Taking a few steps he sees me standing there and stops.

"You're up."

"Yes, must have needed the extra sleep. Where is everyone?"

"I'm not surprised, you guys were up until two in the morning."

Was it really that late? After Christian walked away last night once dinner was finished he didn't reappear.

"Mia left earlier to go do some more Christmas shopping and the others have gone to meet up with Kate's parents for lunch, they came down yesterday for a couple of days.

"Oh, I didn't know Kate's parents were even coming, she didn't mention anything to me."

That's strange, she usually tells me if she makes plans to see them or the fact I would be on my own for a while today. Maybe she forgot and didn't want to disturb me this morning.

"Anyway, since it's just the two of us I thought we could head out there, I've had this place for a couple years now and as I was out just now I realised I have never made a snowman, not even when I was younger and would like to change that, that is if you don't mind spending the day with me." He points outside shuffling on his feet looking nervous.

I spend a moment thinking it over, won't it be weird, but then again he's making an effort to be nice since the others are gone, what else would I be doing today on my own, and friends can hang out and have fun together right? From the little he has shared of his childhood I know it wasn't all wonderful and rainbows but to have never made a snowman is just sad. We need to change that I decide.

"I would love to." I agree with a grin.

I rush back upstairs to change my clothes into something warmer along with my hat, scarf, gloves and jacket.

We trek out down the patio steps where we sat yesterday and to the backyard where the snow is soft and deep.

It's cold however I begin to warm up moving around as we begin working together building the round base of our snowman, arguing about how big to make him, we fall into an easy, comfortable silence only chatting every now and then about how to improve our creation.

"I can't believe you have never made one of these, how is that possible?"

"I don't really know, I mean I wasn't the easiest to get along with as a child and I only got worse as a teenager, I wouldn't always join in with activities, eventually my brother and sister stopped asking me to do stuff with them since I would prefer to watch and spend time on my own."

That sounds so lonely. I bet there's a touch of regret there too, the fact that he has different memories of growing up than his siblings do.

I begin to hum We Wish You A Merry Christmas as we continue building which turns into singing. Christian has stopped what he's doing to look at me.

"What?"

"Nothing, that's the first time I've heard you sing."

I blush at his words.

"Trust me, my voice is nothing to brag about. Hey, I have a question for you. What exactly is figgy pudding?"

It's a line in the song but I have never eaten it.

"I have no idea. Can't say I've ever thought about it." He answers.

We're almost done shaping the head.

"What's your favourite Christmas memory as a kid?" I enquire.

He stops and stares into space, most likely losing himself in the past and his memories.

"My first Christmas with Grace and Carrick after they adopted me. I recall everything in their house being so new and clean. Mom and I went out and bought a tree, we decorated it with twinkling lights, bells and ornaments, the blue ones were my favourite. I had a stocking with my name and Santa's face on it. It was the first year I received gifts from Santa. I got a little helicopter that you could fly, I must have spent all day playing with that toy, I think that's where my love of flying actually started."

"It sounds lovely." I whisper hiding my tears. It hurts to hear about a little boy whose Christmas' before that must have been something to not want to ever remember, that something so simple as receiving a gift from Santa was a magical experience.

"What about you?"

"Oh, that's easy. I would always spend each Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house. After dinner we would play a board game, open one present then spend the rest of the night watching Christmas movies. Her house was so warm and inviting and constantly smelled of vanilla from the cookies she would bake."

"Sounds fun."

"I think he's done," I say referring to the snowman.

I step away and dig around in the frozen flower bed to find some rocks we can use as eyes and buttons. Christian has pulled some braches off a nearby tree for arms and removes his scarf placing it around the neck of our finished snowman. He's a little wonky but I'm proud of our work.

"It looks good."

"I think we need to document our handiwork." He pulls his phone out of his pocket and snaps a photo on his phone of the two of us with our snowman.

"Thank you for doing this with me, Ana."

"No problem and I enjoyed it, it's been a while since I've built a snowman myself."

"There's one more thing we need to do though."

"What's that?" What else could there possibly be?

Instead of a verbal answer he reaches down to his feet and before I can react I'm hit with a snowball right in the chest. He's laughing his head off meanwhile I'm frozen in surprise. Once he starts to slowly step away I snap out of it, reaching for and making my own snowball in my hand.

Oh two can play this game.

"You better run, Grey!"

For the next ten minutes we run around like kids, hiding behind trees and throwing snowballs at each other, the majority of mine missing him whereas he has managed to make contact each and every time. My sides and cheeks are hurting from laughter.

I fall to my knees exhausted with my hands on my hips breathing hard.

"Okay I give up, I surrender, you win."

"Are you alright? You got hit pretty hard there a couple times."

"Yeah, more like a bruised ego, I can't believe I missed so often."

"I have an idea." Christian grins. "Come."

He takes my hand in his helping me stand then pulling me behind him as we trek through the snow to around the front of the house and into the garage. It's massive, his car along with a motorbike and snowmobile are in here, there's a small boat and shelves filled with fishing and hiking gear. He walks towards the far left back corner where I hear him rummaging around.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

He returns holding a red and silver tobogganing sled.

"This is Mia's that she leaves here. What do you think? There's a great slope we can use not that far from here, it's like a five minute walk behind the house through the trees."

He sounds so excited I don't have the heart to turn him down, he's having fun and I admit so am I. I expected some weirdness because of our history but there hasn't been any at all today. From what I recall he works too much and it's nice seeing him relax and being young. I can't help but picture how different today would be if we were still together. I need to stop these thoughts before they get out of control. He said it himself, friends.

"Let's do it." I agree, even though the wise thing to do for my own peace of mind and heart would be to call it a day right now but I truly don't want to.

With Christian carrying the sled we slowly walk along the cleared path to the hill he mentioned. The view from here is magnificent, all white and beautiful, the mountains majestically rising in the distance with the sun and clouds framing them. Looking down it's not too steep or far down.

"I just noticed Taylor isn't here following you around." It's odd seeing him without his constant shadow around.

"No, I usually come here alone. It's a great place to hide away and it gives him a break from me as well. I know I'm not the easiest person to work for."

He places the sled on the edge sitting on the back of it, he holds his hand out to me waiting. I take it as he helps me sit in front of him on the sled, I allow myself to lean back into his warmth as his arms come around me to hold me tight.

"Ready?" He whispers in my ear causing shivers.

"No."

He pushes us off and I yell as we fly down the side, the cold wind rushing past us, with my eyes shut closed tightly.

"Open your eyes, Ana." How does he know they're closed?

"No way!"

"Trust me, open them."

I do and see blurs of green and white whizz past. I have no idea how fast we're going but it's exhilarating making me feel alive.

"OH MY GOD!" I'm laughing and can hear Christian laughing in my ear behind me.

Reaching the bottom of the hill we slow then fall sideways once we come to a stop, rolling off the sled and landing next to each other in the snow, laughing so hard my sides are hurting, struggling to breathe.

"That was awesome." I admit.

"Yeah, the last time I did this I think Mia was ten, she was afraid to go down on her own. Let's do it again."

His eyes are shining with happiness, my own are probably reflecting the same joy. It feels fantastic to not have to worry about anything for a while and enjoy having fun and acting like children.

We spend the next hour going up and down another dozen times. I've lost track of time until my stomach rumbles reminding me it's probably late afternoon and I'm starving.

"Thank you for today, I can't remember the last time I had such fun."

"Anything to get you to smile more." He replies all of a sudden turning serious.

The way he's staring at me, the intensity of his gray gaze, it's as if he's trying to communicate with me with only a look. I suddenly become nervous and bite my lip wanting to escape. It's not fair, I have enjoyed today so much, just spending time with him, forgetting how much I actually miss him and him acting this way and saying that feels like he is giving me false hope for something that can't be. Or is he?

As much as I love him and want nothing more than him to kiss me again, nothing has really changed. He doesn't want my love and still needs all that other stuff that I can't give to him. With disappointment I take a step away from him.

"My hands and face are frozen, we should head back." I say breaking whatever spell was happening here.

It takes us longer to walk back to the house, both of us not speaking and less eager than when we left. We step into the garage where he drops off the sled, we remove our jackets and boots laying them across a wooden bench then he opens up the connecting door into the back hallway for me.

"I have a surprise for you." He tells me as we enter.

I hear voices so assume the others have returned from their outings. He leads me to the kitchen where I see a large round, plastic container sitting on the bench.

"I asked Elliot to bring back some figgy pudding so we could try it."

"No way."

He opens the plastic container. It's very dark brown in colour and doesn't appear too appetising. There are bits of dried fruit sticking out and it smells like rum.

Christian passes me a spoon from the drawer. We both take small spoonful's of it at the same time.

"Oh my God, this is disgusting." I grab a napkin to spit it out.

"Fuck, this is almost as bad as my breakfast." He chokes out.

We're laughing as we make funny and weird faces trying to get rid of the taste. He passes me a bottle of water to drink the taste away.

I happen to glance over towards the living room where Mia and Elliot are both watching us with smiles on their faces and eager looks. Okay, I'm starting to think something is definitely going on here.

 **A/N: Your response to this has been amazing, thank you. I've been asked a couple times whether you'll get to hear from Christian, so I've decided to give you a bonus chapter at the end from his POV. You may have to wait a couple extra days for it however.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next morning I'm standing outside Kate and Elliot's bedroom door. I knock softly on it three times in case they're still asleep.

"Come in." I hear Kate call out from inside a few seconds later.

I push down on the handle and push the door open a touch waiting to step inside, not wanting to see Elliot's naked butt, once was more than enough that time I caught them making babies on our couch.

"Are you guys decent?" I call out through the space between the open doorway.

"It's fine, Ana come on in." Kate answers.

Their room is very similar to mine in the way of furniture and colour scheme, the view from this side of the house different to mine, less mountains and more forest but just as gorgeous. Kate and Elliot are both sitting up in bed and thankfully dressed.

"Morning guys, I'm sorry to barge in here so early but I was hoping we could talk, Kate." I fidget with the hem of my long sleeved shirt.

"I know when I'm not wanted. I'm gonna go bother my idiot brother." Elliot gives Kate a quick kiss before exiting the room leaving us alone.

I move across the room jumping onto the bed and taking his vacated spot beside Kate. She looks at me expectantly.

"What's up, Steele?"

"You didn't tell me your parents were here. How are they?" I start with the easier topic.

"They're good and I didn't even know they were coming, they called us the night before, it was a last minute decision, they're heading back home tomorrow, some of their friends were already here so they spent a couple of days with them and seeing as Ethan I were both here too it worked out well."

She turns her body to directly face me. I know that look in her eye, the Kavanagh inquisition is about to begin.

"So…how was yesterday, you and Christian seemed to have had fun, you were both all smiles when you came back." She's eager for more information.

"We did. It was really nice, I actually enjoyed myself and it wasn't as weird as I thought it might have been considering everything and after not seeing or talking to him for so long. We made a snowman together if you can believe it, he started a snowball fight of all things, then took me tobogganing and he got me figgy pudding to try just because I didn't know what it was. It felt like it could have been a date yet it wasn't and I'm so confused." As I'm speaking the tears are building and my throat tightens until the last word comes out in a sob.

Once the tears start I can't seem to stop myself crying my heart out. I haven't allowed myself to cry like this for so long.

"Oh, sweetie, what's wrong?"

I cover my face with my hands as I lay on the bed, feeling Kate running her fingers through my hair trying to sooth me.

I shake my head not knowing how to explain everything I'm feeling.

"It sucks being here, around him and not being with him." I whisper in case anyone overhears me. "Why does he have to be so kind making it difficult to hate him? Why couldn't he do these types of things before?"

"You know…you never told me why you two really broke up. I didn't push because I could see you were heartbroken and not ready to talk, then you just closed yourself off. Each time I brought up his name you would change the subject. Elliot tried asking Christian about it and he just shut him down refusing to say anything either. What could have been so bad?"

I move my hands away from my face, wiping the tears away and open my eyes to gaze into the kind and understanding eyes of my best friend. The one who knows everything about me except the type of relationship Christian wanted to have with me while she was off in Barbados.

"The why doesn't matter anymore. It's over."

I see the disappointment she quickly hides. We share everything but this something I can't share with her, it's not my place to tell her about Christian's past and private life.

"You know you can tell me anything, I won't judge, I just want to be able to help you."

I shrug my shoulders as my eyes focus on the cream coloured wall behind her. I can imagine her reaction if I tell her Christian wanted to tie me and whip me in his playroom. She'll probably storm out of here ready to rip his balls off with her bare hands.

"It just got so complicated. I think our problem was we were moving too fast. He was my first love, my first everything really, I thought I was slowly moving on but I was only fooling myself. Why does it have to be so painful?"

"I wish I had an answer for you but for you to be feeling like this it means whatever you two had was real and deep. You know, it's easy to say you're over someone if you aren't seeing them all the time. The challenge is to look them in the eye and see their smile and hear their voice and still be able to move on without them being a part of your life." She moves her hand away from my hair to take a hold of mine. "What if… well…we're here for the next two days, why don't you tell him how you feel, that you still care and miss him. I see the way he looks at you, like a sad lost puppy, I'm being serious, his eyes constantly follow you, it could be your second chance."

I pull myself together and sit up.

"No, it won't change anything and besides, he told me once at the start if I walked away that was it, there was no going back. I was being ridiculous earlier thinking something was going on here, like you guys trying to set us up again or some craziness like that, but this is Christian, if he wants something he goes after it."

"He may have believed it at the time he said it but people change, he may be as afraid of being rejected as you."

I shake my head.

"Not Christian Grey."

"Don't be so stubborn, Ana, you'll only regret it later on down the track wondering. What if he's waiting for a sign from you to make a move?"

"I doubt it." I scoff.

I'm being realistic. If he had cheated on me and there was someone else involved it would be easier to hate him and move on. Why couldn't I have fallen for someone less troubled?

"I hate seeing you so sad, Ana."

"I'll be fine, I promise. Can we hang out today?" I really need a girly day away for a couple of hours.

"Of course, I'll just let Elliot know, how does going for pedicures sound?"

"Sounds good," I sniffle and give her a teary smile.

XXXX

By the time Kate, Mia and I returned to the sun had set. We spent longer than expected at the spa Mia took us to, which then led to shopping, well they shopped while I browsed, we had an early dinner out and have just walked into a quiet house.

I have no clue what the guys got up to but Kate and Elliot were texting back and forth a lot. I couldn't tell what their conversations were about as half time Kate was smiling and the other half frowning as she was typing.

"Elliot's last text said they're in the cinema room."

"I'll meet you there. I just want to call Ray and check on him." I let them know.

After a ten minute phone call with my dad reassuring him I'm fine and filling him in on what I've been doing so far while here I stare at my reflection in the mirror of my bathroom giving myself a little pep talk. I just have to get through two more days and then I get to go home, survive Christmas then go back to work.

It took me a couple of minutes to find where everyone was, the so called cinema room is located right at the back of the house and down a small flight of stairs. Stepping in the room is dark, with a massive screen which takes up almost one entire wall providing most of the light and a large dark coloured u-shaped lounge that seats six comfortably in the middle of room along with a glass coffee table that sits before it.

Looking around Kate is practically in Elliot's lap with Mia next to Ethan who are both laughing over something on his phone, the only free spot left was next to Christian, I take a deep breath in, exhale and move my feet towards him. I sit and lounge back beside him making sure to leave plenty of space between us. He reaches over to his other side picking up a bowl of popcorn to place in the space I had left so we can share.

Next he reaches behind him pulling a white throw blanket down which was hanging over the back of the couch and passing it to me.

"Here you go, in case you get cold."

"Thanks." I say as I drape it across my legs.

"So what are we watching? Let's pick an old Christmas movie." Kate suggests.

The guys must have been watching some sort of sport as the image of a presenter on ESPN plays quietly on the screen. Everyone seems to be in agreement so Christian grabs the remote and changes the channel to Netflix, scrolling through the list of Christmas movies available finally stopping on It's A Wonderful Life.

"This is one your favourites isn't it?"

"It is." I can't tell you how many times I have watched this movie but it's one I'll never get tired of.

No one says a word as the opening credits begin. The familiar scenes and music fill the screen, I try to lose myself in the story however each time Christian moves or shifts I freeze and momentarily hold my breath, his long legs are stretched out before him and resting on the table, I've never been so fascinated by sock covered feet. Being in such close proximity to him is unnerving, a couple of times his hand brushed against mine as we reached for the popcorn at the same time making all the nerves in my body go haywire.

Concentrating on the film was becoming difficult as my eyelids began to feel heavy and I fought a few yawns. It wasn't all that late although I must be more tired than I thought. This couch was so comfortable I could curl up right here and fall asleep. I lean my head back to rest on the back of the sofa, I'm going to close my eyes for only a moment then head on up to bed.

Opening my eyes I'm greeted with daylight beaming in through the small rectangular window high up in the wall, its glare right in my face so I close them once more. The last thing I remember is closing my eyes for a moment as the movie was playing. I try to sit up and find I can't, something is holding me down.

My eyes bolt open. I'm not in my bedroom. I'm still on the couch, laying across the length of it, with Christian right beside me and the throw blanket covering us.

Shit, shit, shit! I fell asleep. Why did he stay here with me? Why didn't someone wake me up when the movie finished?

I ease back the panic that is ready to erupt to take stock of the situation. Our legs are entwined, my head is leaning against his shoulder with his right arm wrapped around my shoulder, my right hand is in the middle of his chest, in his no go area of all places with his left hand over mine holding it there. I tense up even more, what do I do? He would freak out right about now if he was awake and saw what was happening.

He mumbles something in his sleep which sounds a lot like my name. I stop breathing, afraid he's waking up but he doesn't, his breath evens out once more.

My body, the traitor, suddenly decides now is a good time to come alive with sensations and yearnings I haven't felt in months and all because the man who knows my body so intimately is right here, so close there is not even an inch of space between us.

I allow myself this precious moment which I may not get again to be close to him as I observe his face while he rests, the faint lines around his mouth and eyes exactly as I remember them, the shape of his soft lips as memories of his kisses fill my mind. I take comfort in his hold, I always felt like everything was right with the world when he held me. I felt safe and cared for.

I'm desperately trying to understand what is happening here. It can't all be coincidence. Doesn't he realise by doing these things it's hurting me even more when I'm trying to get over him.

All these emotions are suffocating me and I need air, I need to be on my own. I carefully remove my hand off his chest by sliding it out from under his, lift my legs carefully and roll away from him, trying to move as little as possible in order to not disturb him. I land on the carpet on my hands and knees, I watch his chest rise up and down as he continues sleeping peacefully. I rise up and as quiet as possible tiptoe slowly leaving the room and Christian behind.

I'm determined to get answers. Kate's right, we need to talk.

 **A/N: It's time for the big confrontation. Tune it tomorrow to see how it all plays out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I'm pacing in the living room in front of the fire that is dying out from the previous night. Back and forth I go, wringing my hands, feeling its warmth each time I pass however it does nothing for the cold heaviness that has settled in my stomach.

I'm thinking about the past few days and all which has happened and all that Christian has done. The breakfast, the snow ball fight, taking me tobogganing, the Christmas movie last night and sleeping beside me on the couch. I'm about ready to pull my hair out in frustration when I spy Elliot's list from our first night here sitting in the bowl of candy canes on the coffee table and realisation hits me like a truck.

I stop my pacing and freeze.

Oh no! Oh my god all those things were written on my list. _That stupid list_.

I don't know if I should be angry or embarrassed. Why? What possible reason could there be for him to do all this, to act on what was on that piece of paper, which I know I threw out. Was he trying to make a fool of me?

I wish I could break something to make myself feel better. Instead I pick up a cushion and throw it across the room growling. It lands silently on the other side of the room.

"Anastasia?" Christian warily walks up to me. "What's wrong?"

I imagine my face looks murderous.

He's all sleep rumbled, his shirt is wrinkled and his crazy hair sticking up in all directions.

I turn pointing my finger at him, my breathing haggard. If I could I would shoot fire at him from my eyes. He has some explaining to do.

"What is going on here? I've been wracking my brain and feeling confused, thinking I'm imagining things. Why did you insist I join the others here this week?" I confront him, I need answers. "You found my list. Didn't you? Everything that has happened the last few days I wrote on that stupid damn list!" I stomp my foot for extra effect in case he didn't notice how mad I am.

He becomes embarrassed, breaking out in a blush, he looks away from me towards the stairs leading up, with a red tinge on his cheeks he looks adorable but that's beside the point, I can't even put into words how hurt I am, is this some sort of game? He sticks his hands in his pockets and returns his eyes to me.

"It's true. I did."

"Why? How? I threw it away."

"Mia watched you and then got it out for me."

 _Seriously?_

"Again, why?"

He gets a look of determination on his face and stands up taller.

"To make you happy, okay? Because I miss you and to have a way to spend time with you."

I feel as if I've been kicked in the guts. I shake my head back and forth.

"I don't understand, Christian, what are you saying?"

He scrubs his face and rubs his eyes.

"Talk to me, you can't just say something like that and then stop." I beg. He always found it difficult to open up to me, even now when having this crucial conversation he's struggling, I can see it in his eyes.

I see him swallow before he starts talking.

"You told me you loved me then left. I sent you flowers, I texted and called and you never replied, not once. I began to doubt it." He refuses to break eye contact and I can't bare the sorrow I'm seeing in his so I look away.

I wrap my arms around myself and stare at my feet. For a month afterwards he tried to get in contact with me, it hurt to ignore him, I longed to answer him but felt it was for the best to stay away for both of us, I had to stay strong.

"I couldn't."

"Why not?" He demands.

"I loved you enough to let you go because I knew I wasn't enough, that I couldn't give you what you needed."

"But you were enough!" He shouts. "You are all that I need. I've spent the last six months miserable and missing you. It may have taken me a while to figure it out but I was happiest with you I came to realise."

I raise my head so fast I almost hurt my neck doing so.

 _What? No, it can't be true._

He runs his hands through his hair, moves to sit on the edge of the couch and lets out a sigh.

"I…" The words get stuck in my dry throat.

"Ana, it took me two weeks after you walked out for me to realise that I was in love with you. I spent two months seeing Dr Flynn three times a week to sort my shit out, I came clean to my family about everything, Elena is gone for good, I did all that so I could be whole and better for you, to be the man you deserve. I gave it up, if I had to choose between you and my lifestyle and playroom then I choose you, always. I tried to get you to talk to me to tell you so, but I had no luck."

"But you said you needed all that."

"I need you more." He implores.

"You could have tried harder." I accuse as my eyes swim with unshed tears.

I can't believe the words I'm hearing, after so long of wishing things could have been different here he is telling me exactly that. He should have done more to make me hear him out. Why didn't he?

"I could have but then I thought you had moved on. I saw you at dinner at the Mile High Club with another man and decided that if he was making you happy then I would walk away. You were smiling and laughing. I left for Taiwan and spent longer than necessary there purposefully."

I think about the time he's referring to, I have only been there the once. I take a few steps forward and sit beside him.

"No, Christian, you have it all wrong, that was a business dinner not a date, he is one of the authors I'm working with. There hasn't been anyone else. I haven't been able to move on."

He takes my hand squeezing it.

"Tell me you still feel the same, please, it's all that has kept me going all these months, tell me it's not too late."

I stand up, needing to move. Here he is offering me what I have dreamed and wished for months now, a chance to have us again.

"Please explain what this week was about then."

He clears his throat looking guilty.

"When I returned from Taiwan I was depressed and drinking too much. Elliot came to see me and we had a heart to heart conversation. He straight out asked me what I wanted and my answer was you. He offered to help plan something to get us in the same room but that wouldn't have been enough. I begged Kate to help us out, it was her idea to wait a while and come out here, where we would spend days together in close proximity, she warned me not to push or rush anything."

"I see." So this was some elaborate plan.

I sense him get up and stand in front of me, his unique scent surrounding me.

"Do you still love me? Are you still mine?" Tortured eyes regard me, waiting for an answer. There is only one answer I can give.

"Yes, I do, of course I do, I've been so lost and unhappy without you, I've lost count of how many times I have cried and wanted to either forget you or wish you would just appear and take away the pain." He begins to stand from the couch however I put my hand out stopping him. "There's still one thing I don't understand, this morning my hand was on your chest. You were always too afraid to let me near you like that."

"I know you don't and I'm sorry for keeping you at arm's length before. I was afraid. In the past, whenever anybody tried to touch me all I felt was pain and it took me back to my childhood. To being hurt. Last night after you fell asleep watching the movie, I placed your hand over my heart, I had to see if it hurt but there was nothing, no pain, no fear, only peace, you can touch me, Ana, that proves to me it's only ever going to be you. You keep my nightmares away. I love you. I want you back, I want to try again, I want to give you everything you want and need, to give you the world. Say yes, give me another chance to make you happy and show you my love and devotion."

Tears are falling rapidly down my cheeks. All his beautiful words have hit me right in the heart where they will forever remain.

He quickly moves across to me and his arms are wrapping me up in a hug, pulling me into his chest, his mouth kissing my hair as he whispers words of love, apology and promises.

I look up into his beautiful face through my tears nodding, as I place my own arms around his hips.

"I don't need the world, Christian, only you. Okay, let's do this, try again."

His graces me with his bright smile which I like to believe was only reserved for me.

"I think the only thing left on that list of yours is a kiss to remember."

I giggle through my tears.

He cups my head as his lips descend on mine, I close my eyes absorbing the feeling of his mouth, the familiar taste and scent consuming me as our tongues tangle, months of pent up sadness and loneliness come pouring out. He moves his mouth down across my jaw and places feather light kisses along my neck, before reclaiming my mouth once more. My fingers run through his soft hair messing it up even more that it already was.

"I know it's still a few days away but Merry Christmas, baby, I'm never letting you go ever again. You're it me for. I love you." He whispers.

"I love you too."

Tears are still falling, except this time they are happy tears, I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him again, we have a lot of time to make up for. His hands move down to my ass, cupping it and pulling me into him where I can feel him growing and hardening beneath his pants causing me to moan.

I hear wolf whistles and cheers in the background effectively stopping our kiss. I hide my face in his chest as the others come in into the room.

"It's about bloody time." Elliot yells out happily hugging Kate to him.

I move my head to look at them all grinning like fools.

"So you were all in on this elaborate set up to get us back together?" I ask.

"Well we had to do something, he was moping around and I was sick of seeing his ass because he had nothing else to do." Elliot informs me.

"Plus you were the only one who actually wrote a list that night too, except Elliot's idiotic one, all part of the plan. Sorry not sorry." Mia explains.

Kate winks at me not saying anything.

"Thank you," I mouth at her.

"Okay, I think she gets it." Christian interjects. "Come."

He takes my hand in his and pulls me up the stairs to his bedroom. It's twice the size of mine and all dark wood and navy. It suits him and not dissimilar to his bedroom back in Seattle. I stand there watching as he rummages through his suitcase pulling out a small black box then turning back to me gripping it tightly.

"I bought these for you before you left, I was going to give them to you to wear to the dinner I was going to attend with you as my date but I never got the opportunity. I brought them with me in the hopes I would be giving them to you for Christmas. This is my second chance and I'm not going to take it for granted. Open it."

He places the box into my palm. I lift the lid opening it up and seeing the diamond drop earrings laying on the black velvet.

"They're beautiful, Christian, thank you."

I rise up on my toes to kiss him quickly in gratitude. It must mean a lot to him so I'm not going to argue about how they are too expensive and I like that they are second chance earrings, it makes them more meaningful. I throw the box onto his bed and turn to him biting my lip.

"But I need something else right now." I pull my top off and over my head, standing in front of him in my bra giving him the picture. His hungry gaze running up and down my chest.

I reach for his own shirt which he helps me remove by stepping back and lifting his arms up. He really is a perfect specimen of a man, and all mine. I reach for his pants pulling him to me, he scoops me up from the legs and we fall on the bed all hands and mouths.

"Fuck, Ana, it's been so long, I'm not going to last long at all." He hovers above me while one hand ghosts up and down the side of my body, electrify it.

"I don't care, I just need you, I need to feel close to you."

"Touch me."

I place my hands on him, running them all over his naked chest. I observe his face but all I see is pleasure.

I stop, hold on to his face and gaze at him.

"What?"

"I can't believe we're here. It doesn't feel real."

"Oh, it's real alright." He grins pushing his erection into me.

"Thank you, for not giving up and for loving me and getting me here."

'You don't have to thank me, I was being selfish in wanting you back."

"Did you really get rid of everything in the playroom?" I mean we did have some fun times in there.

"Why, Ms Steele, what are you suggesting?"

"Just that those silver balls were kind of fun." I raise my brows.

"Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of you." He winks.

With that our mouths fuse together once more and we make quick work of getting each other completely naked with pants and underwear flying in all directions. We're constantly touching each other's skin and kissing anywhere and everywhere we can reach.

I stretch my arm out between us and take hold of his dick, it's so hot and hard, I swipe my thumb over the tip then begin running my hand up and down. He sits up panicked.

"Shit, fuck, condom."

"No need, I'm still on the shot." I inform him as I kiss up and down his chest now that I'm able to have free rein on his body.

He pushes me back down, his mouth and tongue attaching to my breasts and nipples, devouring them like a starved man.

"You are so beautiful."

"Please." I beg.

I open my legs inviting him, I can't wait any longer, I need to feel him, to claim me, make me completely his once again.

He lines himself up at my entrance and with one quick thrust he pushes inside my body, groaning he fills and stretches me. He's still not close enough, I tug and pull his body down covering me, pushing me into the mattress as I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Fuck I'm home." He grits out and begins to thrust in and out furiously. He wasn't wrong, this first time will be quick, both of us needing the release. I can feel my inner walls and legs being to tremble, almost reaching the peak of bliss when he slows down, prolonging the moment and scanning my face.

"Mine."

"Yours."

"Forever."

 **A/N: I just want to say thank you for all your kind words and reviews, it means so much to me. I'm so happy that you have enjoyed this little story.**

 **Next up will be how these days played out from Christian's POV and a small epilogue however it won't be up for a couple of days as I still need to write it.**

 **Merry Christmas to you all. I hope the holidays are full of fun and love.**

 **xx Helen**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey ladies, sorry for the delay in getting this out but life has been busy. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Christian's POV has been split in to two parts as it turned out longer than expected. Here is part one. I hope to have the last chapter to you by next weekend.**

 **Happy New Year! May 2018 bring you what you dream and wish for. Catch you on the flip side.**

 **Chapter 6**

 **Christian**

 **Day 1**

I'm pacing nervously in the study, counting down the minutes to seeing Ana again, Elliot's and Mia's heads are moving left and right following my movements. I feel like a teenager going on a first date, nervous about seeing the girl, not that I would know what that experience was like but I imagine it to be something like this sick feeling that has settled in my stomach.

I used to be in control, I had my world organised just the way I liked it, all it took was one blue eyed, brown haired girl to turn everything upside down in a matter of a couple of weeks. How she managed to get under my skin in such a short time I'll never know, but I've missed her, more than I care to think about, she just had a way of making everything better and brighter.

"What if she doesn't come, what if she changes her mind?"

"Dude chill, she's coming. Kate got her on the plane and they're on their way as we speak, you need to relax before you have a heart attack or something." Elliot rolls his eyes at me. _Easy for him to say._

This has to work, there is no other outcome I'm willing to accept. I've waited so long for this opportunity, these past two months have been pure torture knowing I'm going to see her and try to win her back. So many different scenarios have been dreamt up in my mind of how this week could play out. Failure is not an option.

I need Ana, I need her like I need air to breathe, in such a short time she became embedded in my soul. I never bought into that love at first sight and soul mates crap, until her. It may have taken me longer to wake up and see what I was missing than other people but she's my other half, my better half.

We hear car doors slamming from outside. My heart picks up speed.

"They're here." Elliot jumps up and runs to open the front door.

"You got this." Mia encourages me.

I go to follow them but am stopped by my ringing phone in my pocket. It's my lawyer so I can't ignore it.

"Richard."

"Mr Grey, the agreements have all been signed without any further demands being made by them, we're all good to go."

"Great, forward them to Ros and have them lodged immediately. I want us in as soon as they re-open for the new year."

I'm hanging up as I round the corner and lay eyes on her for the first time in months. My mouth dries up. She really is here. As much as I wanted to, I didn't allow myself to check up on her or ask for reports. I kept my distance from her, especially after she didn't once reach out after all my attempts, assuming it would make it easier to forget her but Anastasia Steele is unforgettable.

My initial thought is she's lost too much weight, when was the last time she had a proper meal, however she is still as beautiful as I remember, her hair is longer but it's her eyes that capture me, the depths of the blue drowning me, except there's no spark in them, it makes my heart twist thinking of her unhappy.

"Hi." She says to me quietly, nervously.

"Welcome."

"Thank you. It's a beautiful house."

 _The house?_ I suppose it's a safe topic.

"I like it." I smile. "Mia will show you to your bedroom for the week."

 _Mia will show you to your room? Jesus, you dumbass Grey, you couldn't think of something better to say than that._

Elliot gives me a look basically saying be cool.

I watch her as she turns around to follow my sister, her ass in those tight jeans as she climbs the first few steps holding my attention. This week is going to kill me, I'm so wound up, I haven' been with anyone since Ana. My balls are heavy and aching and after one look at her my cock comes alive, seeking her out. I adjust my junk willing my body to control itself.

"Ready to head out?' Elliot appears in front of me grinning. The plan is to go out on the slopes and let the girls settle in for a couple hours.

"Sure."

While out skiing Elliot reminds me of Mia's plan to write Christmas lists to try get an idea of what Ana expects or is anticipating out of this trip as a way for me to try to get her to talk to me and spend time together. Gliding down the mountain it's hard to concentrate on the slopes before me knowing Ana is back at the house. I almost come close to crashing into a fucking tree and decide to call it a day.

Over dinner I discretely keep checking Ana's plate making sure she eats all of her pasta, she is way too thin and old habits die hard.

When we're all seated in the living room, I'm on edge, my leg bouncing up and down waiting for Mia to say something, anything. Ana has been quiet and barely looked my way. Is she regretting making the trip here already?

"I know, let's all make a list of what would make this week or this Christmas perfect and fun then share them, maybe we can get some ideas for gifts or activities while we're here." Mia finally says handing out pens and paper to us all.

I watch Ana writing, wishing I could see into her head. After a moment I stare down at my feet wondering if I'm making a mistake here or if everything will go how we planned. What if I can't give her what she wants or she doesn't want me anymore? _Think positive Grey. Getting her here was half the work already._

After Elliot reads his dumb list and finishes being his usual man-child self Mia asks Ana to read hers out loud but she doesn't, she looks down at the piece of paper afraid. Come on baby, tell me so I can give you what you want.

She stutters then we hear a crash from the kitchen. _Fucking hell Kate of all the times to break something._

Ana stands scrunching up her paper, sticking it in her pocket to hide it. She moves so fast to get away that she knocks into the coffee table. I'm over to her like a flash grabbing her arms to stop her falling, she's so close and smells like vanilla and apples. The familiar scent a hit to all my senses. She was always tripping over, she fell the first moment I met her after all.

Once she has walked into the kitchen to help Kate I step away for a moment into the study, I pour myself a glass of whiskey into a tumbler and take a large sip, the alcohol burning my throat. Well that didn't go accordingly. Now what?

Coming back out with my drink I find Ana saying goodnight already to everyone then turns bidding me a goodnight as well.

I want to call her back but what would I say. As soon as she's walked away Mia appears beside me handing me a rumpled piece of paper.

"Don't screw this up."

Opening it up I recognise Ana's handwriting. It's her list. Reading it through twice I smile, trust Ana to not want anything material. She has asked for such simple things which only serve to highlight the fact she must have been as lonely as I and that she needs to have fun. All these are things I can do.

I'm going to give you a memorable Christmas.

 **Day 2**

I get up extra early the next morning. The first thing I'm going to cross off her list is breakfast. Ana is an amazing cook and is always preparing meals for everyone else. How hard can it be, I'm capable of cooking some toast and eggs. Gail always makes it look so simple.

A few weeks back when it was Elliot's birthday I went by his place to see him in the evening and found him eating left over chocolate cake. It was amazing and delicious and the best cake I had ever put in my mouth, when I found out Ana had baked it for him I was burning with jealousy, the taste turning bitter. If we had still been together on my birthday, would I have gotten a cake?

On my way to the supermarket I call Mrs Bentley who takes care of the house here for me and tell her she's not needed this morning. She was surprised and the first thing she asked was who's making breakfast, when I told her I was she couldn't stop laughing. I should be offended but I'm certain I would get the same reaction from anyone and everyone who knows me.

After my trip to the supermarket to pick up everything I think I will need I spread it all over the counter and stare at it.

"Okay, toast first." I tell myself, should be easy enough.

I place the bread in the toaster, lower the leaver and let it be. Next I turn the stove on, pour oil into a pan and allow it to heat up for a few minutes. In the meantime I start on cutting up the bananas and berries in a large bowl.

Once I've almost filled the bowel with fruit I hear sizzling coming from the stove.

Fuck, the oil! How do I know if it's hot enough? I'll crack an egg in it, that should be an indication if it starts to cook or not.

I pick one out of the carton, crack it on the side of the frying pan like I've seen done a dozen times before and spilt it open. As soon as the white and yolk hit the pan, it sizzles and spits all over me. FUCK! Shell falls into the pan as well, the oil must be too hot as it has splattered on my hands and shirt leaving lovely little fucking stains. I quickly run my hand under cold water for a few seconds.

I hear the toaster pop. Turning around I stare at it in disbelief. It's burned. Burned!

How the fuck is it black and burned? I look at the toaster trying to figure out how I managed to fuck it up. There are some numbers on the side from one to six. I have no clue what the hell they mean, I move the knob and arrow from six to five hoping it makes a difference and put more bread in to toast.

Turning my attention back to the eggs, they seem cooked so I take them out, placing them on a plate and add a second lot, with less shell this time. Oh, the bacon and sausages! I grab a second frying pan for the meat and try to heat up some more oil.

The toast is fucking burnt again when it pops out. I pull my hair staring at it. For fuck's sake. Okay let's try number three on this piece of shit toaster. I'm about ready to throw it out the window.

I think I got the hang with the eggs and bacon, although they look nothing like Gail's do I'm somewhat proud of myself.

I try my luck with the sausages next, however I get distracted by an email and leave them on too long, the smell of them burning getting my attention back to what I should be doing. I pick up the pan off the heat, throwing the entire thing and charcoaled meat into the sink. I'm not giving in, I'm going to suffer through this even if it kills me and takes all fucking morning. I cannot possibly be this hopeless.

I think I finally got the hang of the toaster in the end, there's a pile of toast with varying shades of brown which I start to butter.

It must be an hour later when I open one of the bottom cupboards looking for some plates when I nudge a pot with my elbow causing it to fall and clang loudly on the tiles. I'm fucking exhausted, sweating, burnt and the kitchen looks like an apocalypse has been through here.

Picking it up and standing I see Ana and Mia walk in wearing their robes appearing shocked as they look around the kitchen. Elliot, Kate and Ethan are just behind them with great big smirks on their ugly faces. Great, I managed to fuck this up. I need to do better tomorrow.

Mia asks where Mrs Bentley is and I lie. I should have had her cook and take the credit for it but that would have been even more unbelievable. Everyone takes a seat and tries the food at least to humour me. I put a piece of toast in my mouth, immediately spitting it back out. God, it's absolute shit, Elliot agrees by throwing his own toast at my head.

At least Ana seemed to appreciate the effort, even if it was inedible, so point one for me.

Breakfast out it is then.

XXXX

Mia calls me into the kitchen.

"What the hell was that this morning?"

"Me trying to cook breakfast obviously."

"Yeah, I got that but why, you're not exactly a culinary wizard."

"It was one of the things on Ana's list. She wanted a breakfast cooked by someone else."

"Aww, that's sweet but dude you should have asked for some help or pointers first."

"Thanks for the tip little sister."

"Okay, so how about the rest of the list, can you handle it or will we have more disasters like this morning."

"No, I think I'm good with the rest."

She hands me two cups of cocoa and nods her head to the side, indicating Ana who is out on the back patio.

"Go, sit with her, chat, be nice and friendly, ask her about work or something."

I stand at the door, take a deep breath then step out into the cold, she looks up at me and hangs up on her call, I hand her one of the mugs and cover her with the blanket.

"I thought you could use it, it's a bit chilly out here."

"Thank you. I was just admiring the view."

"You're welcome." I sit beside her.

"Who were you talking to, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Oh, it was just Jose."

I frown hearing that fucker's name. I went to his show in Portland and sat outside in my car every night of the exhibition, hoping to run into Ana, but she never showed up. I found out later on that she was really ill that week with the flu, catching it from Kate. On the last night I made my way inside, I guess curiosity got the better of me in the end and perhaps I was hoping I would be able to convince Jose to give me any helpful information on how she was doing. The first thing I saw were her large portraits hanging on the back wall, seven large black and white photos where she looked so carefree and stunning. I immediately made a phone call to an art dealer friend of mine to call and buy them all on my behalf. One of them hangs in my office at Escala. I guess if by some miracle I get her back I'll have to tell her I have them before she sees it for herself and freaks out.

"And how is our favourite photographer?"

"He's fine but do you really care?" She teases.

"Not really." I grin. I would be perfectly happy to never have to hear his name again. "We haven't really spoken since you got here yesterday." I begin.

"No, we haven't. Thanks again for trying to make breakfast, never thought I would see the day Christian Grey cooked a meal."

I chuckle. It was a mess and I'm not too proud to admit it.

"Yeah, well there's a lot that's changed." My whole life basically but that's a conversation for another time. "I know things between us didn't end entirely great but I'm glad you joined us. I hope that I haven't made you feel uncomfortable." I really do want her to enjoy her time here regardless of what happens between us.

"Not at all and thank you for the invitation. It was kind of you. I admit I was reluctant and nervous but I'm glad too. It really is a beautiful place."

We fall silent again. Mia said ask about work, that's a safe subject.

"So, how are you? How's working at SIP been?"

"I've been fine. Work is great actually. My boss Jack Hyde left suddenly a few months ago. One day he was there and the next day gone with little to no explanation. They asked me to babysit his job for a few weeks until they found a replacement editor but I found I could handle it and they gave me the position permanently. It's so much better than I dreamed, I've loved the challenge. There is this one author, Bryce Fox, I've been working with him on his debut novel. I'm really excited about the book which is coming out very soon, it will be my first as an editor." I can't tell if the 'I'm fine' part was a lie but her whole face lit up talking about work.

I made the right decision buying the company then. It was on the brink of collapse. Her sorry excuse for a boss Jack fucking Hyde was a poor excuse of a human being. His background check was questionable and he had been through way too many assistants in a short time frame. We managed to get one of them to talk, he would force them into sexual acts just to keep their jobs and tape them in order to ensure they didn't talk. I wanted to kill him, no fucking way was I going to have Ana around a monster like that, and I used think I was a monster. We convinced her to go to the police and with our help he's now sitting pretty in a jail cell.

"That's fantastic. You should be proud and I never had any doubts of your abilities."

"How about you? Still trying to take over the world?"

I briefly tell her about Taiwan.

"So, Kate and Elliot are getting married." I continue to make more conversation. I like this, just being near her talking, no expectations.

"Crazy huh?"

"I never saw my brother as the settling down type but Kate seems to be good for him, she doesn't take any of his shit." Boy was I surprised when he told me he was proposing, the first question I asked was if Kate was pregnant.

 _"_ _No you asshole, I happen to love her and want to spend my life with her. She's perfect. You should try getting out of your office once in a while, meet a nice girl to bring home to mom. You've probably been jerking off on your own for too long. "_

I did bring a nice girl home to meet mom, and she's sitting right next to me staring into the woods. If I'm lucky I'll be bringing her home again. Getting married and spending my life with someone was never anything I envisioned for myself, now it's all I can think about, picturing Ana by my side as my wife. It's a good dream to have, one I want to make a reality sooner or later, but one step at a time.

"They are pretty great together and I love them." She tells me.

"My mother is over the moon. She has been wanting to plan a wedding for so long, next she will be begging for grandchildren." I know because I've overheard talking to my father about it. Poor Elliot, I would hate to be him once they get back from their honeymoon.

"Probably. We should find some time to talk about these bachelor and bachelorette parties they want us to plan in the new year."

If things go bust this week these parties will give me another chance to work my magic on her.

"Sounds like a plan. I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other up until the wedding then, can I at least call you my friend, I hate the thought of you hating me?" If all else fails, having her as a friend only will suck but at least I'll have her in my life in some capacity.

I see the hurt in her eyes suddenly appear and I'm not sure if I said something wrong.

"Sure, and I don't hate you, Christian." She doesn't hate me. That right there gives me hope.

We stay there beside each other, not speaking for the next couple of minutes, each of us lost in our thoughts. I need to know how she looks back at our time to together to be able to move forward.

"Was it all bad?"

"No, it wasn't, you know that." Yeah, I do, only at the end there. "Ana…"

"Yo bro!"

We hear Elliot's voice call out. Nice save big brother, I think I was about to put my foot in it and just spill my guts too soon.

"You're being summoned."

We walk in to the house where Ana starts laughing. I look around her to see what has her laughing so hard.

"Elliot where the fuck are your clothes?" I growl. My idiot brother is dancing around on the dining table to Jingle Bell Rock in only a Santa hat and red boxer shorts. _Seriously?_

"Someone has had one too many beers." Kate sighs "but I love the idiot."

 _Well he's all yours!_

"Come on, Chris show us your moves." Elliot wiggles his ass in my face. Not a visual I need. Not today or any day.

"Get down before you kill yourself." He's has to be the biggest man child in existence.

"Hey, Ana, get my little brother to loosen up will ya, all he does is work and pine over…"

"OKAY ELLIOT! Kate, just make sure he doesn't fall." The moron is going to ruin everything by opening his big drunk mouth, I know he wants things to work out almost as much as I do however you're not helping right now El.

I leave them to it, needing to regroup and make some phone calls. Tomorrow needs to go a whole lot better than today. I only have a few days to fix things and get my girl back.

That first month I was in a pit of darkness, I thought perhaps I had found something special but like I was always led to believe, I wasn't good enough, she left me and took my heart with her. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am and undo all the damage caused by Elena with Flynn's help. I am good enough. I no longer blame Ana for leaving, I blame myself for what happened that night. I never should have listened to her or taken her into the playroom.

Now I know what I want and need and what I deserve and it has nothing to do with being isolated and alone, or whipping girls and spending weekends in my playroom under some illusion I was in control and happy with my life but all to do with love and family and Anastasia to make me feel complete, a future worth fighting for and I'm not going to stop until I get it.


	7. Chapter 7

**I know, this is a month late and I'm sorry but here is the final chapter of this story. Thank you for reading, your patience and sticking with me. I hope to have my new story up in the next day or two and on those waiting on the next chapter of My Heart In Your Hands, it should be up in the next couple of weeks.**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Christian**

 **Day 3**

I'm up and dressed, standing outside in the driveway the next morning freezing my balls off. I woke everyone besides Ana up and got them outside with me. They're looking a little worse for wear and shooting daggers at me with their sleepy eyes.

"What's going on?" Elliot yawns out rubbing his hands together to keep them warm.

"Last night I was thinking that maybe it might be best if Ana and I spend some time on our own today, what do you think, is it a good idea?"

"Sounds like that could work, get her to relax, have some fun with you, yeah, why not?" Kate seems all for it.

"And what are we supposed to do?" Mia taps her foot at me annoyed at missing her beauty sleep.

"Here, go shopping." I hand her my credit card. "I've booked a couple of rooms at Hotel Jerome for the day, you can sleep, use the spa, do whatever you like, it's on me, just don't come back until the afternoon, please and I just want to say how much I appreciate you guys doing this and helping me."

"It's no problem, bro, we just want to see you both happy and together again. What are you going to tell Ana about where we are?"

Good question.

"Just tell her that our parents are here and we're spending some time with them, that sounds believable." Ethan suggests.

That could work.

They wave and hop into the car with Elliot in the driver's seat.

As they drive off I look around me, deciding on a plan for the day. I walk around the house to the back to check the quality of the snowfall we had overnight, the wind is biting and cold but if we dress up warmly it should be fine. I bend down and touch the snow, it's soft and I smile to myself thinking perfect, someone up there is on my side today and walk back around to the front of the house entering through the door.

I walk in to find Ana sitting on a stool at the kitchen bench, she looks so young and pretty and at home, I like seeing her here, in my space where no other women have been. If I was a better man I would step away allowing her to live her life without me in it but no one will ever love her like I do, that I know for a fact.

"You're up." I get her attention.

"Yes, must have needed the extra sleep. Where is everyone?"

I explain where the others are for the day and see her face show a myriad of emotions at the thought of being alone with me.

"Anyway, since it's just the two of us I thought we could head out there." I point outside nervously and tell her my idea of building a snowman together, saying I've never built one.

 _Okay so that may be a little white lie but please just say yes._

She agrees and goes upstairs to change her clothes into something warmer. I fist pump the air once she leaves the room. Part one accomplished.

We get to work together on collecting snow with our gloved hands, building a larger and larger base, packing it in tightly.

"I can't believe you have never made one of these, how is that possible?"

"I don't really know, I mean I wasn't the easiest to get along with as a child and I only got worse as a teenager, I wouldn't always join in with activities, eventually my brother and sister stopped asking me to do stuff with them since I would prefer to watch and spend time on my own."

The truth is I did make one once, many years ago, I watched Mia and Elliot through the window building one together when we were younger, I wanted to join them but I stopped myself, thinking they probably wouldn't want me to ruin their fun, my mother saw me watching and tried to encourage me to go outside with them. I didn't end up going out. Later on that day I went out on my own to try build one, just to prove to myself that I could have fun doing it by myself, thinking back on it now I think how stupid and sad I was.

She begins to hum a Christmas carol as we continue building which turns into singing. She has a sweet voice, I could listen to her sing all the time.

"What?" She asks.

"Nothing, that's the first time I've heard you sing."

She blushes at my words. When is she going to be able to take a compliment without becoming shy about it?

"Trust me, my voice is nothing to brag about. Hey, I have a question for you. What exactly is figgy pudding?"

"I have no idea, can't say I've ever thought about it." Hmm, that gives me an idea.

She unexpectedly asks me what my favourite Christmas memory as a child is.

I think about all the Christmas' I experienced that I can remember. I have one memory of a Christmas with my birth mother when I must have been 3 or 4 years old, we had a weird half dead plant in the small apartment we lived in near the ripped couch with what I know now to be tinsel wrapped around it, and we had chicken to eat that day, I remember the smell of it because it was the best meal I ever had with my birth mother, the one night I didn't go to bed hungry but no one wants that shit in their head.

"My first Christmas with Grace and Carrick after they adopted me. I recall everything in their house being so new and clean. Mom and I went out and bought a tree, we decorated it with twinkling lights, bells and ornaments, the blue ones were my favourite. I had a stocking with my name and Santa's face on it. It was the first year I received gifts from Santa. I got a little helicopter that you could fly, I must have spent all day playing with that toy, I think that's where my love of flying actually started."

I think Grace still has that helicopter hidden away somewhere.

"It sounds lovely." She smiles.

"What about you?"

"Oh, that's easy. I would always spend each Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house. After dinner we would play a board game, open one present then spend the rest of the night watching Christmas movies. Her house was so warm and inviting and constantly smelled of vanilla from the cookies she would bake."

"Sounds fun."

So that must be why one of the things on her list is the movie marathon. It brings back happy memories. Who doesn't wish to relive those moments as often as possible.

"It looks good." She comments when our snowman is finished.

"I think we need to document our handiwork." I pull Ana towards me and take out my phone to take a photo of the two of us with our snowman. This the first photo we have together besides the one that was taken at her graduation. It's a keeper, we're both smiling, cheeks red from the cold, this is definitely becoming my new background.

"Thank you for doing this with me, Ana."

"No problem and I enjoyed it, it's been a while since I've built a snowman myself."

"There's one more thing we need to do though."

"What's that?"

I crouch down and scoop a heap of ice with my gloved hand, forming it into a ball and throw it directly at her chest. The look of surprise on her face is so comical I start laughing.

"You better run, Grey!"

For the next ten minutes our snowball fight continues and she keeps missing me, like wide misses, someone needs to show her how to aim and launch them properly. I haven't run around, acting silly like this in so long, if only my mother could see me now, she'd faint from the shock. I'm glad to see Ana laughing and having fun, that was the whole aim of today.

"Okay I give up, I surrender, you win." She gives in.

"Are you alright? You got hit pretty hard there a couple times." I hope I didn't hurt her, a few of them hit her in the head by accident.

"Yeah, more like a bruised ego, I can't believe I missed so often."

Not wanting the fun and our time together to be over just yet I quickly come up with something else we can do.

"I have an idea, come."

We leave the backyard and I lead her into the garage. I walk to the far left back corner out of Ana's sight and pull my phone out to text my brother.

 **Christian: Hey, do me a favour?**

 **Elliot: What up asshole?**

 **Christian: Bring back some figgy pudding to the house for me.**

 **Elliot: Sure thing dude. That's some kinky shit there LOL**

 **Christian: Shut up dickhead**

"What are you doing?" I hear Ana call out.

I come out carrying Mia's old tobogganing sled.

"This is Mia's that she leaves here. What do you think? There's a great slope we can use not that far from here, it's like a five minute walk behind the house through the trees."

She agrees and I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding, not wanting our time together to be over so soon.

When we reach the sloped hill I was talking about I carefully place the sled on the edge sitting on the back end of it and help Ana to sit in front of me. Her warmth radiates from her back into my chest as my arms go around her body to hold her tight ensuring she doesn't fall off. She's in my arms and I'll take it for now. Her scent wafts up into my nostrils on the breeze. _Don't get hard, don't get hard_ , I will myself because she'll definitely feel it.

"Ready?" I whisper in her ear, smiling at the shivers that run through her. Good to know I still affect her.

She says no but I push us off using my legs. She yells out as we fly down, her hands gripping my arms so tightly her I can feel her nails through my clothing.

"Open your eyes, Ana."

"No way!"

"Trust me, open them."

"OH MY GOD!" She screams.

We're both laughing from the sheer joy and enjoyment of being out here going up and down the hill where there is no past heartache and blame, just two people enjoying themselves.

We spend the next hour going up and down. This is what I have missed out on, what I should have been doing during my younger years, it's never too late though. I vow to myself that I'm going to experience it all with Ana by my side. I would have been content to stay out here all day until I heard Ana's stomach protest to not being fed.

We stand awkwardly at the top of the hill opposite each other, I have the sled leaning against me, my hands holding onto its edge and unsure of what to say.

"Thank you for today, I can't remember the last time I had such fun." Ana smiles.

"Anything to get you to smile more." With my reply her face loses the smile, turning serious.

 _Why did I say that?_

I continue to stare into her blue eyes, seeing my reflection in them, not saying a word. If only she could see in to my eyes and know everything I'm trying to tell her. She bites her lip and I'm so close to saying blast it all to hell and launching myself at her and kissing her, what I wouldn't give to feel her lips against mine the consequences be damned but I can't, it's too soon, I don't want to risk ruining any progress I may have made with her.

"My hands and face are frozen, we should head back." She takes a step back and away from me. My whole body deflates and sags while she begins to walk away.

The walk back to the house is quiet, without a single word spoken between us. I have no way of knowing how she's feeling or what she thinks of this morning but I need to get us back to that friendly state we were in while we were going up and down the hill.

"I have a surprise for you. I asked Elliot to bring back some figgy pudding so we could try it." I tell her as we enter the house.

I checked my phone on our way back to the house, Elliot had sent me a message confirming the pudding was in the kitchen and asking how it's gone so far. I sent him a thumbs up emoji and also let him know we were headed back.

We stand in the kitchen where I open the plastic container the pudding is held in. It looks like someone had thrown up and then put it back together in this pile of crap, I mean there are chunks of things in it.

I pass her a spoon, then using my own I take a large amount of the pudding into my mouth instantly regretting it.

"Oh my God, this is disgusting." Ana spits it out.

"Fuck, this is almost as bad as my breakfast." I almost choke, it's that horrible. How do people eat this?

I pass her a bottle of water to drink away the horrid taste. Take another large gulp from my water I look towards my brother and sister who are in the living room just staring at us. Behind Ana I run my hand back and forth across my neck signally them to stop and be cool. All in all today has been a good day.

 **Day 4**

I feel someone or something jump up onto my bed while I'm under the covers still half asleep. _What the fuck?_ I turn my head to find my ugly brother grinning at me laid out beside me, resting his head on his hand.

"Go away." I grunt and turn away pulling the quilt over my head. He decides to not listen and tugs it back off me being annoying.

"Good morning sunshine, it's time to rise and shine."

"Fuck off dude. What are you doing in here anyway, Kate kick you out?" I attempt to pry my quilt out of his hands to no avail.

"You're not naked under there are you?" He pulls back slightly.

I should fuck with him and threaten to flash him my dick, even though I have my sweatpants on I slept without a shirt.

"Seriously, Elliot, what do you want?"

"I'm bored."

"Don't care and isn't it a little too early for you to be up anyway?"

"A little but Ana came to our room, she seemed upset so I left her to talk with Kate alone."

This gets my attention. Did something happen?

"Is she okay?"

"No idea, but I gave them some space."

He lies back with his hands crossed behind his head getting comfortable. What if she's decided to leave and go home early, she can't, I still need a few days before I talk to her and put myself on the line, I've come so far to let it all be for nothing.

"How did yesterday go, make any progress?" He asks me.

I sit up swinging my legs to hang off the side of the bed and rub my face to help wake me up.

"I don't know man…I mean I think so. We had fun and were laughing and I honestly had a great time, I'd like to think she did too, then at the end there before we came back to the house we had a moment, I wanted to kiss her so badly but then she pulled back, I don't want to screw this up, Elliot."

"Don't worry man, we've got your back, we'll think of something for today but don't be such a chicken shit, tell the girl you love her already."

 _Easy for you to say._

"And if she tells me she no longer feels the same?" That's my biggest fear, that no matter what I do I'm already too late.

"I highly doubt that, but big deal if she does, it doesn't mean you give up, it just means you need to fighter harder for her."

Okay so maybe I am afraid, Elliot is right, Ana has been suffering as much as I have because we have been apart but it doesn't make pouring my heart out any easier.

"Well since you woke me up, you're buying me breakfast."

I rap my knuckles against his balls and get up laughing at his groans of pain.

As we pass Kate and Elliot's bedroom I hear what sounds to be like Ana crying, I want to break down that door, storm in and hug her, comfort her, however I know it won't be appreciated at this moment in time so I force my feet to keep walking. Tomorrow. This shit ends tomorrow one way or another.

XXXXX

So the girls ditched us for the day heading off to the spa to do girly things as Mia put it, I spent the day responding to some emails, thinking about the things I want to tell Ana and how to bring up the conversation, I checked in with Ros and Taylor back home. By late afternoon I find myself with Elliot and Ethan in the media room watching whatever sport is on, not that I'm really paying much attention to the game, I keep checking my watch for the time, waiting for the girls to return, they've been gone all day, if it wasn't for the text messages Kate has been sending Elliot I would have worried that something happened to them. I hear a noise as the door opens up and Mia and Kate appear.

"Where's Ana?" I ask worriedly.

"She just went to call Ray, she won't be long." Kate says.

My eyes are glued to the door waiting until she appears. Minutes pass but she finally walks through the door and stops, looking around the room. My heart speeds up just at the sight of her, she notices that the only free seat is next to me and slowly makes her way over.

She sits beside me, smelling like coconut and whatever other crap they covered her in at the spa, but her face is glowing.

We select a movie to watch and I settle back, trying to get comfortable, I have no clue what is being said on the screen in front of me, all of my attention is focused on Anastasia and each little move she makes, her proximity alone enough to cause an uncomfortable straining in my pants. Thank God it's dark enough in here to hide it.

Halfway through the film she falls asleep, her head and body moving instinctively to my side and shoulder, leaning against me. I wrap my arm around her, holding her tight while I cherish this moment of having her close as we wait for the movie to end. She feels like heaven in my arms. I close my eyes for a few seconds listening to her small even breaths.

When the movie finishes Kate suggests waking her up.

"No, she's fine here, I'll take her up in a minute." I tell her, I want a few more moments just sitting here like this with her.

Once they have all cleared out of the room I lift her legs up slowly and carefully so her body is completely stretched out on the couch beside me, I cover us both with the throw blanket and I just stare at her. Take in the shape of her face, eyes and lips. The way her eyelashes fan across her cheeks and her hair spreading around her.

"There's so much I want to say to you, to tell you, but I've been a coward. You're the only one whose ever seen the real me and loved me anyway. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you, I wish I did things differently." I whisper to her as I brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Flynn kept asking me what it was about you that made you so special. He kept saying to let you go, to move on, that you were just another sub, but he was wrong, I couldn't do that and I think he enjoyed my struggles with it way too much. You're so beautiful and the thing is you have no idea just how incredibly beautiful you are, inside and out. You were the last person I ever wanted to hurt but I'm going to fix it. I won't stop until I put a smile on your face every single day."

I want to try something so I lift up her hand, kiss her palm then nervously place it in the centre of my chest, over my heart which has sped up. Peace falls over me, not even a twinge of pain or darkness. She takes it all away. Just like my nightmares.

Falling asleep my last thought is that I belong to her, only her.

 **Day 5**

I wake up, dazed and with a sore back on the couch, I look beside me to Ana's empty spot. Shit, how long ago did she wake up? Did she freak out at finding us asleep together in here?

I throw the blanket off my legs and go in search of her, finding an angry Ana throwing cushions in the living room. _She looks cute when she's mad._ I call her name out making my presence known.

She points her finger at me and brings up the list she wrote our first day here. Fuck! I'm so busted. She's yelling and I glance over at the stairs to make sure no one has woken up and come down. I would prefer to have this conversation in private.

 _Time for the truth Grey._

"It's true. I did."

"Why? How? I threw it away."

"Mia watched you and then got it out for me."

"Again, why?"

This is it, the moment I lay it all out and tell her what's in my heart. _Is it hot in here all of a sudden?_

"To make you happy, okay, because I miss you and to have a way to spend time with you."

She shakes her head, not believing me.

"I don't understand, Christian, what are you saying?"

I scrub my face, why is it so hard to get the right words out, the opportunity I've been dreaming about and wanting is right before me and yet the words get stuck in my throat.

"Talk to me, you can't just say something like that and then stop." She pleads.

I swallow down the lump that has lodged itself, cutting off my breathing.

"You told me you loved me then left. I sent you flowers, I texted and called and you never replied, not once. I began to doubt it." _Tell me…tell me I haven't been foolish holding out hope all these months for nothing._

"I couldn't." She says once she looks away from me.

"Why not?" I demand. Would it have been so terrible to talk to me or acknowledge the effort I made to get her attention?

"I loved you enough to let you go because I knew I wasn't enough, that I couldn't give you what you needed."

I hate that she still thinks so little of herself.

"But you were enough!" I shout. "You are all that I need. I've spent the last six months miserable and missing you. It may have taken me a while to figure it out but I was happiest with you I came to realise." What do I have to do to make her see sense, to believe me that she is and will be everything I ever want.

I suddenly feel tired and sit on the edge of the couch letting out a sigh.

"Ana, it took me two weeks after you walked out for me to realise that I was in love with you. I spent two months seeing Dr Flynn three times a week to sort my shit out, I came clean to my family about everything, Elena is gone for good, I did all that so I could be whole and better for you, to be the man you deserve. I gave it up, if I had to choose between you and my lifestyle and playroom then I choose you, always. I tried to get you to talk to me to tell you so, but I had no luck."

There, I said the words.

Those first few weeks were horrible. My sessions with Flynn were so intense I would leave feeling drained mentally and emotionally, as if I had nothing left to give, the thought of Anastasia and winning her back was the only thing that had me returning again and again. The fallout with my parents was even worse once I sat them down and told them the truth about the life I had been living. It was the worst time of my life, seeing my parents so devastated and guilt ridden. I had to make them see none of it was their fault that I didn't blame them, I had to reassure them time and again that I was fine. Elliot took it the hardest with the belief that he failed me as a big brother, which is ridiculous, I could have gone to him at any time and I told him so, it took a while but we're better and closer than ever now.

"But you said you needed all that."

"I need you more." I implore.

"You could have tried harder." She accuses.

"I could have but then I thought you had moved on. I saw you at dinner at the Mile High Club with another man and decided that if he was making you happy then I would walk away. You were smiling and laughing. I left for Taiwan and spent longer than necessary there purposefully." I needed to be far away from Seattle, I still recall the pain that formed in my chest that night, not only from seeing her but watching her be with someone other than me was gut wrenching.

Taiwan was hell on earth but the distraction I needed, for a while at least, my heart which was non-existent for so long ached for her, I thought I was destined to live like that for the rest of my sorry life until I pulled my head out of my ass and came home.

She sits beside me but not close enough for my liking.

"No, Christian, you have it all wrong, that was a business dinner not a date, he is one of the authors I'm working with. There hasn't been anyone else. I haven't been able to move on."

Relief surges through my blood. I take hold of her small hand squeezing it.

"Tell me you still feel the same, please, it's all that has kept me going all these months, tell me it's not too late."

Instead of answering me she stands up pacing. The fact she doesn't answer worries me.

"Please explain what this week was about then." She asks.

"When I returned from Taiwan I was depressed and drinking too much. Elliot came to see me and we had a heart to heart conversation. He straight out asked me what I wanted and my answer was you. He offered to help plan something to get us in the same room but that wouldn't have been enough. I begged Kate to help us out, it was her idea to wait a while and come out here, where we would spend days together in close proximity, she warned me not to push or rush anything."

 _I'm sitting in my dark living room staring out the large window at the rooftop lights of the city, sipping from I think my fifth beer, feeling the buzz effects of the alcohol when I hear the elevator doors open. I have no interest in seeing who it is so I stay where I am on the couch._

 _My brother appears before me, turning on a lamp, the small glare of the light hurting my eyes._

 _"_ _What are you doing?"_

 _Instead of answering him I raise my bottle then take another sip. Dickhead rips it out of my hand._

 _"_ _Okay man, you've wallowed enough, mom's worried and I can't see you like this anymore, you need to snap out of it."_

 _"_ _Fuck off, Elliot."_

 _"_ _No, not this time. Talk to me."_

 _"_ _About what, the weather?" I sneer._

 _"_ _Don't be a prick. Look, I know you're hurting but you can't keep going like this, it's not healthy."_

 _"_ _Sure, whatever you say."_

 _He sits next to me, not getting the message I want to be alone and starts talking. He doesn't give up and I'm forced to answer him time and again with short one or two word answers._

 _"_ _What do you want? What is it that's going to make you happy?" He asks me frustrated._

 _"_ _Ana."_

 _"_ _Alright, so go get your girl."_

 _If only it was that easy._

 _"_ _How? I don't know what to do, she refuses to even talk to me."_

 _After a short conversation of my attempts to contact Ana he steps back with his hands on his hips staring out my large windows._

 _"_ _We're going to need reinforcements here." He says._

 _What the hell is he talking about?_

 _El pulls out his phone calling Kate, I half tune out their conversation until he hands the phone to me. I'm suddenly nervous._

 _"_ _Kate?"_

 _"_ _Why should we help you?" I can understand her anger, I hurt her friend after all._

 _"_ _Please Kate, I love her, help me get her back, I can make her happy I know I can."_

 _"_ _Why should I believe you?"_

 _"_ _Because it's the truth, please, I need your help, just to talk to her, get me in the room with her for a few minutes so I can tell her how I feel and try to win her back."_

 _She's quiet for a few moments._

 _"_ _Listen carefully, Grey, I'll help you but I swear to God if you pull some shit again and I see my friend heartbroken over you once more, there will be no place on this earth that you or your dick can hide from me. I'm doing this for Ana not you. Understand?"_

 _"_ _Perfectly."_

 _"_ _Fine, give me a few days to think of something."_

"I see." Ana responds.

I raise myself off the couch to stand in front of her, needing to be closer.

"Do you still love me? Are you still mine?" The billion dollar question.

"Yes, I do, of course I do, I've been so lost and unhappy without you, I've lost count of how many times I have cried and wanted to either forget you or wish you would just appear and take away the pain. There's still one thing I don't understand, this morning my hand was on your chest. You were always too afraid to let me near you like that."

"I know you don't and I'm sorry for keeping you at arm's length before. I was afraid. In the past, whenever anybody tried to touch me all I felt was pain and it took me back to my childhood. To being hurt. Last night after you fell asleep watching the movie, I placed your hand over my heart, I had to see if it hurt but there was nothing, no pain, no fear, only peace, you can touch me, Ana, that proves to me it's only ever going to be you. You keep my nightmares away. I love you. I want you back, I want to try again, I want to give you everything you want and need, to give you the world. Say yes, give me another chance to make you happy and show you my love and devotion."

Tears are falling rapidly down her cheeks. Are they sad or happy tears?

I can't take this distance between us any longer so I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into my chest, kissing her hair over and over as I whisper to her.

"I love you so much, I'm sorry baby, I was an idiot, I'm not letting you go, I promise everything will work out."

"I don't need the world, Christian, only you. Okay, let's do this, let's try again."

My heart and breath both pause for a moment, the smile leaving my face must be huge because it starts to hurt but I have never heard more beautiful words. She actually wants me, wants me in her life. This is what true happiness must feel like.

"I think the only thing left on that list of yours is a kiss to remember." I state.

I cup her head as my lips descend on hers, her lips are always so soft when she cries, the familiar taste and scent consuming me as our tongues tangle, months of pent up sadness and loneliness come pouring out as we give and take. I move my lips down across her jaw placing feather light kisses along her delicate neck, before reclaiming her mouth once more. I feel her fingers running through my hair, God I never knew how much I missed that little action until now.

"I know it's still a few days away but Merry Christmas, baby, I'm never letting you go ever again. You're it me for. I love you." I whisper once more so it sinks in.

"I love you too." Those words are music to my ears.

We continue kissing there in the middle of the living room, I run my hands down to her ass, grabbing it and pulling her into me, grinding my growing erection against her causing her to moan out loud. Fuck, I need to take her upstairs in to my bedroom before I explode where I'm standing, except we get interrupted by wolf whistles and cheers in the background.

"It's about bloody time." Elliot yells out happily hugging Kate to him.

The whole lot of them are standing there grinning like fools.

"So you were all in on this elaborate set up to get us back together?" Ana asks them.

"Well we had to do something, he was moping around and I was sick of seeing his ass because he had nothing else to do." Elliot kindly informs her.

"Plus you were the only one who actually wrote a list that night too, except Elliot's idiotic one, all part of the plan. Sorry not sorry." Mia explains.

"Okay, I think she gets it." I jump in putting a stop to it. "Come." I pull her behind me and up the stairs so we can be alone.

XXXX

We're seated up in my bed, cuddled up and leaning against the pillows, naked under the covers, Ana is in front of me with both our legs and fingers entwined. I'm never leaving this bed or room. I feel so content to sit here and stare at her as we continue to talk.

After reaching my bedroom and making love to my girl I feel peaceful, as if everything has fallen into place, I'm where I belong. It was more fulfilling than anything I had ever experienced due to the fact I had her hands touching me while we made love, I needed to feel her everywhere, it made me feel cherished each time her palm ran across my skin.

She certainly surprised me with her question about the playroom, she is still eager to play with toys and experiment to a certain extent and I cannot wait to experience it all with her, she called it our kinky fuckery which had me chuckling, I might design a new playroom together with Ana's input, one that is just ours, making it all about pleasure. If she agrees that is. However, that's a conversation for another day.

"How are your parents, how did they take it once they knew everything."

I sigh before answering, pulling her tighter against me.

"It's been tough, but I also feel like a weight has lifted, I feel we're now closer as a family, I'm not closed off any longer, there are no more secrets."

"I'm glad."

"Plus, me bringing you back home with me again will definitely have my mother smiling."

"Do you think….will they hate me for hurting you?"

"No, never. Don't even put that idea in your head."

I place small kisses across her bare shoulder. I can't stop touching and kissing her, needing to make up for lost time.

"Thank you again for making this week happen, otherwise I would still be at home alone and miserable."

"Oh baby, I should be the one thanking you. You've brought me to life, Ana, brought colour into my dark world. I love you more than you will ever know."

I twist myself around pulling her down onto the mattress, hovering over her body as I gaze into her beautiful eyes, seeing my future and all the love and devotion I took for granted. I quickly peck her lips then pull back.

"I'm going to make you so happy." I vow.

Her hands hold my face as she smiles up at me.

"I'm already happy, just being here with you."

I capture her lips making silent promises and vows as we kiss to both myself and Anastasia, it may have been a bumpy start and ride to get us to here but this is just the beginning of our story.

 **2 Years Later**

I lay wrapped around my sleeping wife while the snow falls outside, the outside world doesn't exist for us for the next few days.

Looking around our bedroom in our Aspen home I see the photo of Ana and I with our snowman in the back, which she has framed and placed on the dresser, the image dragging me back to that time and the day I won her back. We didn't leave the bedroom that day, we had so much to talk about and spent a lot of time reconnecting with each other. That Christmas was the start of my life, the life I was always meant to live, with joy and surrounded by my girl and family and each Christmas after is just that extra bit special, not only is it our anniversary but Ana says it's remembering and knowing it's also the first time I told her I loved her as well.

Six months after Ana and I got back together I proposed to her. I took her away to London as a surprise and asked her to be my wife our second day there in the middle of Hyde Park. Six months later we were married, right here in Aspen, it was her idea to start our life as man and wife here, at the place which means so much to us, the place we got our second chance and who was I to argue.

I feel her stirring awake.

"Good morning wife." I place a kiss on her temple.

She turns over to face me, resting her head on my chest in order to look out the window at the snow and mountains.

"Morning. I love it here. It's so quiet."

"Me too."

"I can't believe it's been two years already since you tricked me into coming here." She giggles.

I grab her chin, pulling her face up to lay a kiss on her lips.

"Best thing I ever did."

I run my hand down and across her swollen abdomen which houses and protects our growing child. I still can't believe we're having a baby, a mini version of half me and half Ana, the best of both of us, this kid is going to be so loved and spoilt and not have a worry in the world. I admit I'm still a little afraid but with Ana by my side, I know she won't allow me to fail.

"I love you, Mrs Grey. Happy anniversary, baby."

"Happy anniversary, Mr Grey, I love you more."

As the rest of the world goes on about their day we just stay in bed together, holding each other, basking in our love with the mountains in the background who have been witness to many moments that have taken place in this home.

Aspen will always hold a special place in our hearts and in the future if I ever get asked the question, did we live happily ever after. The answer is you bet we did.

 **THE END**


End file.
